Here's gambling on a great New Year!!

I have a secret. I love to gamble.


Yeah, that isn't something I advertise. In fact, I am not all that proud of it. I began my little relationship playing the odds back on my honeymoon when my husband gave me 20$ to shoot on the slot machines.


Well, you guessed it. I hit a couple of winners and now 20 years later, I still wanna win. I will confess right now that this little hobby is NOT one that interferes in my financial portfolio. In fact, I rarely feed the fire. My father was borderline addicted to the boats which left a pretty sour taste in my mouth. So, I am not one to allow the games of chance too much opportunity in my life. I know myself well enough to know I could get addicted in the same way as my father.


This shot was taken after putting 7$ in a machine and winning 87$. It was a nickel machine and I played for nearly an hour; which was the perfect amount of time to hit a few sevens, hear the machine alarm and feel my adrenaline pumping. I am not addicted to losing money. So, with the small margin of profit I quickly closed down my machine and took the money and ran. Yea! I am a big gambler.

I would like to win more. Wisely though, I am not about to spend anymore money on silly slot machines. My once a year itch has been scratched and I am good for another 12 months or so.

It does make me think about life and the gambles we take every year. I am imagining this school endeavor to be a big gamble for our family. We are pouring out a lot of cash and rolling the dice on a career choice for me that may or may not pan out.

We are gambling on our parenting skills and the way we are raising up our children. We are now entering into the fruit bearing season where we will actually see if our offspring have benefited or learned anything in our homes.

We are at the stage where we regularly gamble with our lives as our 14 yr. old is learning how to drive. This is a high-stakes adventure as he is still very new to managing a vehicle. I am often afraid.

I know that the risk and adventure and fun involved in the slot machine is really masking the fear of losing it all. I catch myself rationalizing and manipulating my mind to let it be "OK" to lose money so carelessly.

I think this is what I do with the other frightening things in my life. I mask them and cover them and repackage them to let them be manageable and livable and "OK". When in reality, the pee is dripping down my leg and I am petrified and nervous and afraid.

AND excited and hopeful and interested and curious. I think that is what gambling does to us. It somehow makes you think you may have a chance and without a chance wouldn't we just give up altogether?

So, this year is another gamble. It is a risk to step out and try new things. Look in the unexpected places for newness and hope. I even think that is what this blog thing is about for me. It is risky to put myself out here. I don't even know who reads this silly thing and honestly, it is OK. I am good.

I am ready to plop down more this year. Maybe the stakes will be even higher. Maybe I will dig deeper and find more about myself, my expectations, my flaws. Maybe I will grow and be changed and be open and transform.

I am betting I do. I am praying the same for you.