Not a serious blogger...

Okay...one thing that i have noticed about blogging is that I do not take it seriously enough. I am not a wordsmith. I don't love writing. I am not an eloquent author or writer. I do not have aspirations of being a composer of any sort of written word. I just love journaling my thoughts. I like getting a chance to document my life and the things that strike me.


I keep reading other blogs. Thus the self-deprication begins. They (those professional blogs) never have poor grammar or run-on sentences or lots of these dot things........ which i love! It's obvious....I am not a professional blogger. The more I read other blogs the more self flogging I do over my blogging!! I am the worst about switching tenses and talking like I am 12. I often forget to begin new paragraphes. I know if my sophomore english teacher read this she would roll her eyes in disgust. UGH> why do I have this fight about comparing myself even in the blog world???

Is there a blog competition? Or some set of blog judges? I know there is no blog rating...but still the threat of being considered a crappy blogger plagues me. Why? Why think about it. Just blog for blog's sake. I must find peace with the lack of sentence structure girl I am. Confidence in the fact that I like me and my thoughts are not to impress others but just to get them off my chest.

So enough already. My JV position on blogging is not going to distract me from authentically communicating my life. That is all this is supposed to be about....me and my life. So, if you stumble across this page and snicker in disbelief with my grammatical goofs and inexcusable blunders, forgive me. Rage on....move it over...find a new friend with a flare for the pen and leave me to post my points in peace.

Raising a big boy

I am in a stage of parenting that challenges and presses me in many new ways. For instance, my now bushy headed 13 yr. old is starting to gain momentum in asserting his independent spirit.

We began our most recent episode with him staring into my eyes when I began to discipline him. We are almost the exact same height and this is starting to empower him in new and interesting ways. Today he chose to throw a bag of stinky shoes and gym clothes across the room after I nagged him several times to remove them from my kitchen counter.

I caught myself wanting to spank him. It became almost comical since I was trying to seriously communicate how disrespectful his little routine was when he began to smirk. I want to laugh too. He is smart enough to know better. He should be better behaved and more responsible with such a minor task. I think I may have showed him my wedding ring and asked him if he would like to have it meshed into those green-banded braces. He smirked some more and then i threatened to take away his phone. He faked a sober stare and acted minutely remorseful in hopes the threat would not come to pass. I held my position and eye contact just long enough for him to look away first and walk off. Then I sighed a breath of relief that this little battle was won but there are many more to come.....

(Yes, this is an outdated picture since the teeth have been recently banded and decorated in various colored bands!)

Signs of the time

This is what my mom told me happens to every first grader. She should know since she taught first grade/kindergarten for over 30 years. She said it never fails, the sweet little first graders start the year with their perfect little "chicklet" teeth and by the end of the year they look like whacked out jack-o-lanterns. Guess she is the expert.

This really just isn't about big gaping holes in my precious baby's mouth....it is about growing up. Which really makes me weepy. Seeing this little 6 year old turning into a big toothed grade schooler really reflects that my babies are growing up. This is my last little one who will lose those two front teeth and forever be propelled into prepubesent world of hormones and changes and eventual adulthood. This is just the beginning! I am not ready. I wanted her to keep those chicklets for a long time. Where did my little baby go?

Wish I were more like Katie.....

Okay, my friend Katie in Phoenix is a happy blogger. Everyday is happy. She is optimistic. She is smiling. Her kids are cute. Life is sweet and the air is warm. She is hosting picnics and playdates and wearing shorts. Meanwhile here in Kansas where the temp is a balmy 27 degrees today, I had to dig to find my favorite turtleneck and vest that I had hidden in the depths of my closet.

I am yanking it out so that i can go stand on my icy deck and grill steaks because i refuse to let this gray nasty stinky day make me feel less optimistic about spring. I am going to pull a Katie and invite friends over for our "picnic" indoors. I am grilling hotdogs for the kids and steaks and I am also going to warm up some taco soup and build a fire in the fireplace if I have to. I am going to find my happy heart and press forward with my aspirations of a beautiful sunny spring that is coming soon. I believe it. Today, I am going to have to live on Katie's fumes. I am borrowing all the cheer and love and optimism that she shares so freely and I am going to marinade myself in it. Thank you sweet Arizona girl for your inspiration.

My little sheep...

Today was my daughter's first grade music program!! Ei-Ei-oops. What a darling show. Our music teacher put so much time and effort into the program. All the kids were psyched beyond words. It was precious. Bailey could not have been more thrilled with her line, her costume, the songs, and fanfare. It was hillarious. She is the the sheep on the back row with the braids. I know this picture doesn't really show the true drama queen that she is but I am telling you now, Hannah Montana better watch out....because if this little sheep has her way she is the next big STAR!!

Come on Spring!

I know it is near....the anticipation is killing me. Spring is just around the corner and I am expecting it more this year then I have in the recent past. Not sure if it was because the temperatures have been so brutal this year or my disdain for gray skies...but either way...bring on spring. These precious tulips are my welcome card for the season. This morning I actually heard birds chirping outside my open window. Which was left open after the 65 degree day on Saturday turned back to 18 degrees this morning. I know it is near and I welcome Spring with unabashed glee!! Come on....spring....we welcome thee!

Fear of the unknown....

My beloved stepfather has cancer. It is prostate cancer that has already moved to his bones. This isn't good. He currently is being treated by some dissovable medicine bullet that they put in his arm to kill testosterone and slow the progression. This doesn't comfort me at all. I want it to go away completely. I want him to be cancer free. I want him to feel good and have no lingering symptoms or pain. I hate that he has cancer. I hate that this is happening. I hate not knowing what will happen next. When it will happen. How he will feel. I am truly saddened by this whole thing. It lingers in my spirit. It dampens my heart. I feel helpless. I don't know how to proceed. I feel sort of paralyzed by fear. Fear that he will be in pain. Fear for my mom and how she is doing with all this. Fear of losing him. I am afraid. I am out of control. This is again where my only hope happens in Christ. I cast this whole deal on Him. I must remind myself again and again that it is not about me. God's purposes are bigger then mine. His ways are not my ways. This is troubling sometimes. My ways would be different.